Have you ever been in a position where every part of your life was going exactly how you wanted it? For most of the us, the answer is probably no. When your career is blossoming, your relationship is suffering. When your family is getting along great, your exercise plans are falling by the wayside. And so on, and so on... It often seems that we can never find happiness in all areas of our life at the same time. This is a struggle and challenge for us because all too often we end up focusing our time and energy on the areas that drain us, instead of devoting our attention to the areas that make us happy.
Road trips, whether short or long, have a way of prompting good conversation, particularly among people who just "get" each other. I found myself in this situation recently, having a conversation about the ebb and flow of happiness in our lives. Struggling with the constant ups and downs, I was frustrated that different parts of my life never seem to go well at the same time. Just when I think I've found balance and harmony, something happens that throws it all out of whack. With the amount of thought and reflection I put into almost everything I do, I was upset by the misalignment of happiness in portions of my life.
This car conversation, however, prompted me to consider my expectations of happiness. Is it truly realistic for us to think we'll ever find ourselves in a spot where everything is going our way? As an eternal optimist, I'd like to think so, but I've got to be honest with myself and say no.
Now don't take this as me switching up and going all pessimistic on you. Oh no, that's not it at all. What I'm saying, though, is that we can't live our lives expecting the stars to align and suddenly have everything fall into place. Life just doesn't work like that. Life constantly throws us curveballs, fastballs, and change-ups, forcing us to decide on a regular basis, should I swing, bunt, or just stand there (forgive the baseball references, the season just started and I'm a little excited)?
But if we're striving to find that happiness in every aspect of our lives, what should we do when we realize that's not necessarily going to happen? Well for starters, let's just accept it. Accept that happiness, just like the tides in the oceans, flows in and out. The beautiful thing with this, though, is that even when the tide rolls out, we know it'll roll back in again soon. Happiness does the same thing.
I like to use work as an example because I'm certain we've all had those days, yes, "those days" where we're just frustrated. Whether it's a project, a colleague, customer, or "other duty as assigned", we sometimes find ourselves questioning our passion, purpose, and even sanity for our chosen career. It's okay. That doesn't mean you should quit your job, travel the world for a year, and write a best-selling novel about how you found yourself (plus that storyline is already taken). What it does mean, however, is that when the work side isn't going as well, you need to find that happiness and energy in another side of your life.
Having a partner or friend to spend time with outside of work can help us re-focus our happiness and find ways to transfer that positive energy back to our job environment. If we have something to look forward to at the end of the day or the upcoming weekend, it's much easier to find that positivity in the office. But we must work at it by acknowledging our feelings and committing ourselves to try just a little bit harder.
The same can be said with almost everything in our lives. How often do we find ourselves in a new and exciting relationship with someone? Suddenly we want to spend every minute of every day with them. As we do so, our friendships are strained or our exercise plans disappear or fancy dinners out put an end to "watching what we eat". We find ourselves happy in this new relationship, but frustrated by friends who don't understand or the trainer who keeps calling because you've been missing mornings at the gym. "Why can't everything go right at the same time?", we say. Rather than focusing on the positive, we drown ourselves in negativity.
If we want to truly find happiness in all aspects of our lives, we need to use the things that are currently making us happy to change the things that aren't. Just like having something to look forward to at the end of a stressful work week will help make those hours in front of a spreadsheet go by just a bit easier, going on a run with your new beau will make that delicious dinner out a little easier to swallow and scheduling in ladies night will give balance to the "I can't go a second without you" clinginess of a new relationship.
Accept the fact that happiness will flow quickly or slowly at different times and in different areas of our lives. Commit yourself to focus that happiness, transfer it as needed, and bask in the opportunity and excitement of what's to come.
Be happy for who you are. Be grateful for what you have.
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