In The Moment

I love having something to look forward to... Whether it's a weekend getaway, dinner out with the girls, or tickets to an upcoming show, I love have my calendar full of exciting events. Big or small, with a group or solo, I think it's the natural planner in me that likes knowing I have something coming up on the horizon.

As much as I love having these things to look forward to, I've noticed how it often can lead to a bummed out feeling once the excitement is over. You think about it and talk about it for so long that when it finally arrives the time just flies by and before you know it you're back where you started. Until, of course, you look at your calendar, are reminded of the next big thing, and start the countdown again. This vicious, yet fun, cycle continues, almost in a manic-depressive state, full of high-highs and low-lows.

Having recognized how I do this to myself, I've been making a concerted effort lately to relish in the moment of these experiences. Take it in, appreciate it for what it is, and savor the sweet feelings that accompany those purple blocks of fun on my calendar. 

A few weeks ago I found a quote by Kurt Vonnegut (all-around cool dude plus alumnus of a certain organization I work for) that really hit it home for me:

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I think this is something we all could benefit from doing more often. Recognize those moments - the laughter of good friends over a bottle of wine, the sounds of a baseball game on a hot summer day, getting lost in the pages of a new book, the smell of burgers and dogs roasting on the grill - and take that extra second to appreciate where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with. Take a mental snapshot and add it to the beautiful library of memories in your mind.

It's always nice to have something to look forward to but if we waste away those moments looking forward to the future, we lose the opportunity right in front of us. On Memorial Day and as we head into the beautiful months of summer, remember to be happy for who you are and be grateful for what you have. 

Celebrating You

It's hard for me to pinpoint the exact reason why, but I've always had a thing for birthdays. There's just something about celebrating the day someone made it into this world that puts a smile on my face. It's a day that's uniquely yours in so many ways. Yes, you likely share your birthday with about 19 million other people on this planet, but it's still your day. The day to celebrate who you are, the special talents and skills you bring to the world, and how much your friends and family love you.

I've been a big fan of birthday parties since I was a little one. In fact, my event planning prowess started many years ago in the form of preparing intricately themed parties for myself. There were the parties at McDonald's with the old school cakes and edible sugared versions of Ronald & the Hamburglar, the parties at DZ Discovery Zone filled with pizzas and plastic ball pits, the classic ones in our backyard with a trampoline and the limbo, and the makeshift parties from new friends while spending your birthday facilitating a student leadership program. Birthdays bring back warm memories of happy times with family and friends over the years. And also give a sense of optimism for all that lies ahead in your new year.

As much as I love my own birthday, I think I love celebrating others' even more. Finding that perfect gift for someone, spending 45 minutes browsing the cards at Hallmark until one finally pops out at you, and watching the joy and appreciation on their face when they open it up. Everyone deserves that moment. Everyone deserves a celebration on their birthday. The celebrations can come in all different shapes and sizes, with 100 friends for a sweet sixteenth or simply laying by the pool doing it your way, but no matter what, it's your day and you should celebrate it. It's your unique day in this crazy hectic world we live in. Celebrate yourself, celebrate each other. And thank you for making my birthday special  :)

Be happy for who you are. Be grateful for what you have.

A Clear Vision

What do you do... where do you go... to find clarity?

I found myself in the car tonight driving north of Carmel unsure of my destination. It was a beautiful late spring evening, the bright sun beaming as it began its descent to the west, leaving a warm breeze in its place. Birds chirping, flowers just beginning to blossom, and a flutter of activity from cyclists, rollerbladers, and others out to enjoy the gorgeous evening.

My car somehow found its way to a reservoir about 20 minutes northeast of my home. I had heard it was there but never made the trek up until tonight. After a quick stop at Dairy Queen for the quintessential lake meal (a hot dog & a mini blizzard), I settled down in the grass at a park on the edge of the lake. As I gazed out over the peaceful waters rippling every so often from a flock of geese, I realized how often bodies of water have brought me clarity.

Throughout the course of my life I've had many interactions with lakes, rivers, and oceans. At a young age we often traveled up to Lake Erie and Conneaut Lake, close to the towns where my mom's side of the family grew up. I loved the combination of water, sand, and sun, as seen in the countless photographs of me as a young child. As a teenager I often escaped the craziness of adolescence by pulling my car up alongside the causeway at Mosquito Lake, just north of town, and would stare out at the water in search of understanding. Vacations were spent along the Maryland and Delaware beaches, the smell of saltwater and seafood a cherished memory, and college spring breaks led me to Panama City, Clearwater, and Miami, FL with friends I'll never forget. As an overworked graduate student, I spent many dusks on a large rock next to the Clarion River reflecting on my journey thus far, and as a budding runner found myself miles in along the towpaths of the Lehigh and Delaware Rivers in eastern Pennsylvania. For whatever reason, water has been a constant in my life and something that has always brought peace of mind.

This idea of clarity and where we find it is fascinating to me. You hear of people who wake up in the middle of the night, sit straight up in bed, and suddenly a situation they've struggled with makes perfect sense to them. You hear of others who have conversations with their God and are guided over the course of time to the clarity they seek. For me, the serenity of nature, particularly around water, has always provided me with the perspective I need.

As I sat at the lake and pondered this, I couldn't help but wonder if I conditioned myself over time to believe that water really brought me clarity or if the comforting presence of it allowed me to open the walls of my internal reservoir for a moment and let the waters of honesty flow forward from my soul? Just like a babbling brook becomes a raging river after a thunderstorm, the thoughts and emotions just rush out when I find myself in this peaceful environment. It's the place where I can take a true assessment of my life, my relationships, my career, friends, faith, and more, and feel true clarity in doing so.

I'm curious where others find clarity... Your hometown? A mountaintop? A shadowed library? What causes you to find so much comfort there that suddenly things just make sense? What do you do while there? Read, write, talk with someone? When, how, and where do things come together for you? I'd guess that almost all of us can immediately think of a specific place or thing. How often do you find yourself there? Daily, weekly? Or does the craziness of life leave those clear moments few and far between?

I left the lake tonight reminded that I need to get there more often. It doesn't have to be that lake, but I do need to make more time for myself to escape the hectic pace of life and intentionally step back in search of clarity and understanding. Water is, has been, and will be my place. What is yours?

Be happy for who you are. Be grateful for what you have.

Some Other Beginning's End

Throughout our lives we're offered many opportunities to start anew. Whether it's going to college far from home, moving to the big city after graduation, starting a dream job, or entering into a new relationship, we can rest assured knowing that at some point we'll get the chance to start fresh again. While an amazing opportunity in so many ways, it also leaves us with the responsibility to make each new beginning better than the last.

It's a fact that I've had many new beginnings in my life. Whether looking at my job history, friends, or significant others, each new beginning has taught me something profound that I'll always carry with me. The new knowledge learned and life experiences gained have hopefully given us insight into what to do (or what not to do) next time around. This idea of new beginnings always reminds me of a quote from the 2001 movie, Vanilla Sky,

"Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."

Many times the new beginnings in our lives occur outside of our control... our parents move us four states away when we're five years old, a boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with us out of the blue, or a job is lost due to downsizing and budget cuts. Those situations, like so many others, happen beyond our control. But what about the new beginnings that we can control? What about those decisions that allow us to turn it all around?

I look around at my friends and loved ones and can't help but notice the number of chances we didn't take. Opportunities we've had to start fresh but instead let slip away due to fear of failure or the opinions of others or uncertainly in the unknown or lack of funds or going against the grain of society/family/friends, and so on, and so on... It's so much easier sometimes to just stick with the status quo, not change unless forced to, and shy away from new situations that require too much work.

I often consider the 22 year old version of myself. Fresh out of college, so much opportunity before her, full of ambition, energy, and optimism, yet deep down inside, terrified to start new. Leaving the safe bubble of college and friends, clinging to whatever semblance of "normalcy" that she could, making decisions based on others' expectations... if I could go back in time and give her a nice swift kick in the butt, I'd give it serious thought. But I know deep down inside I'd let her be. Let her handle the challenges that would follow, knowing that each new beginning beyond her control would ultimately prepare her to finally step out on her own and take a chance that was in her control. Take that chance to turn it all around for herself.

So I ask you this, what have you been wanting to do lately that would be your moment to turn it all around? Calling a long lost friend to make amends? Starting that new exercise plan? Taking a class to change your career? Saying hello to that stranger you saw at the coffee shop? Whatever it would be, I challenge you to take that chance. You'll never know your strength until you give yourself a shot to show it, and you'll never know your new beginnings until you take the chance to own them.

Yes, it can be scary. Yes, you might get turned down. And yes, it might mean something else has to end. But sometimes that's exactly what we need in order to grow into the person we were meant to become. What we learn from each new beginning is a reflection on our past. We acted this way, we said that thing, we rushed this stuff... we know better for next time, whether that next time is in two months, two years, or two decades. Don't be afraid of the new beginnings and don't be afraid of the endings that often accompany the new beginnings. As you face your fears and take control of your chances, remember the wise words of Semisonic, "...every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." 

Be happy for who you are. Be grateful for what you have.

Finding Strength

Lately I've found myself thinking about strength... where we find it, how we cultivate it, and what it does for us. For many, many years I relied on inner strength to give me courage, confidence, and support. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do things on my own, relying solely on my inner strength to do so. This internal commitment eventually led to the construction of impenetrable walls, meant to keep out others who could harm me or hold me back from achieving what I wanted. I considered myself independent, strong, and self-reliant, only needing to look within to find the strength to tackle the challenges in front of me. While this inner strength has been there to guide tough decisions and calm jittery nerves, I've learned over the more recent months the importance of finding strength in other places.

As I mulled over this idea, I posed a question on Twitter asking where others found strength. It was interesting to read the replies and messages from people I know very well and those I've never even met in person. One person noted that she found strength in a spiritual group of friends and mentors. Another noted that he's found strength from a new friend who pushes him physically and mentally to be the best person he can be. Escaping to the city to immerse herself in the arts gave strength to one, while another found it in motivational quotes and lyrics of songs. A good friend of mine finds strength in family and returning home for respites, while another finds herself in prayer on a regular basis.

These multiple avenues to finding strength challenged me to consider how different circumstances require different responses. The strength to get up every morning, for many, comes from a career they love, motivation to finish a task they started yesterday, or to see the smiling face of their young child. The strength to make a difficult decision is found for many, on the other hand, through conversations with trusted friends, meditation or prayer to a higher power, or a commitment to one's morals and ethics. The thing that struck me most is how many people noted inner strength as being important but also made it a point to mention relationships and partners. We value our own drive and energy when it comes to finding strength, but deep down we really need the support and validation from others to make us feel content.

I ask you to look around and consider how you help others find strength. It's easy for us to look at ourselves and identify who, what, how, or where we develop our strength, but it's much harder to see how we're paying it forward to others. Humanity is built on relationships and relationships are built on trust, honesty, and supporting each other. Who around you is going through a difficult time? Who might be facing a challenging situation or decision? Who always says their okay but really is just yearning for someone to take the time to listen? Look around and find that person. Take some time to talk to them, ask questions, and give support or reassurance. You never know who might need that little bit of strength from you.

Be happy for who you are. Be grateful for what you have.